Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
