K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
