we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
