no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
