new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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