I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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