This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
