I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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