I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
