it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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