guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
