First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
