dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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