can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize