Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
