Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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