We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My cat gives me a boner
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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