I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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