I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
