I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Last time i carry you out of a forest
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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