He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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