talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The Olympian is in my bed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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