Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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