can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
