apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
