i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
