Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
