Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
