It's Friday. Sex?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize