We named our party play list daddy issues
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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