bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Can Purell be used as lube?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
