Having a random hookup so left but love u
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
