I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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