Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
