i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is Oprah even human
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Congratulations! We have a period
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
