My hand turned me down
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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