hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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