is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize