Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
