I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
