when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize