Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
