Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
