she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize