I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
