Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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