just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
