He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
