were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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