i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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