I faked an abortion last night.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
