My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
