I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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