Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
