so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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