I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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