my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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