what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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