Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
