i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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