I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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