Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
