I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize