Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize