So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
