I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
