As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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