Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
