I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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