Dual....:-)
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
