I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
