Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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