We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
True college students do jello shots in the library
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