Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
