So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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