She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
this will be a night to untag.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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