Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
