Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
