Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
