you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
