Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
