You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
