She is in my trunk
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
