how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
