I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
