return my video game
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
