you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
my liver is dry heaving
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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