my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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