I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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