I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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