he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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