i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
