When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize