you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
