i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
