Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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